Only Two Hours Remain

I need an Angel Investor.

Thursday night update:

I was very disappointed at the outcome of my fundraiser and I've decided I must go away for a while and reconsider my priorities. Perhaps there is more to life than Lubomir Vaic hockey?

Vaic Fan promises to return one day and let you know.

SAVE LUBO'S WORDS

The Wikiquote has an entry for Lubomir Vaic.

I always had a feeling Lubo said great things, but I needed a translator. Here is a quote from our favorite hockey player:

"They only allowed me nine games before they give up on me. The National Hockey League is an organization without vision and this will come back to haunt them."

Profound words, but a problem has arisen. The Wiki Quote Nazis want to delete this contribution by Lubo:



The demolition date is September 12th. Only your votes can save Lubo's words from being deleted from this important online quotation source. If he is scrapped, we are all to blame.

P.S. Did that "Lrd Chaos" asshole call me a "bitter" fan? Vaic Fan is not bitter, you prick.

No Hockey News

...and I am getting very anxious about my auction. Only 30 hours remaining and no bidders.

To distract myself, I have been reading about Madonna, the Greatest Performer of Our Generation, and I discovered she's been fighting with her husband. And then I found out why:



Some people might make fun of Vaic Fan for reading the gossip magazines, but those people would never find photos of the great Lubomir Vaic ready to get it on with Madonna, would they?

Which is why the true fans of Lubo enjoy the #1 Lubomir Vaic Blog on the entire internet.

P.S. Can someone please bid on my auction? I am losing confidence.

Updates on Lubomir Vaic

I had a busy weekend with my eBay auction. There are two interested potential bidders and I have posted their questions and my answers on the auction. I am very confident that I will have the money to go find Lubo in just a few days.

Concerns:

- I made inquiries about flights to the Czech Republic to find Lubo. The best price is $1,061, which is a few dollars higher than my auction may sell for. Hopefully someone can loan me the extra $61? Let me know.

- I have started drinking nothing but Czech & Slovak beers recently, to accustom myself to their effects. Unfortunately I've been unconscious a lot. Perhaps someone could recommend Czech & Slovak foods to accustom myself to at the same time.

- L'ubomir Vaic's Wikipedia page is embarassingly sparse. I don't speak, write or in any way understand Czech so could someone else fill this out? His relationship with Carmen Electra isn't even mentioned.

Updating the Money Train

Vaic Fan's eBay fundraiser has been a huge success so far. I have received many emails at my new email address, most of them believing I am trustworthy and wanting me to invest their Nigerian money. (I am not very good with money so I declined.)

But one person wrote with this exciting offer:

Dear Vaic Fan,
If I was to offer you $1,100 would you end your auction immediately and sell me that photocopy and your blog address?

I'll confess that I was tempted, but then decided that this wasn't a very honorable thing to do. I will keep my promise of a full 7 day auction, so everyone will have a fair chance at this special photocopy.

I hope I made the right decision. Vaic Fan can almost taste that fuckin' cash.

Exciting Website News!

1. I now have my own email address. Lubo fans can email all their questions to vaicfan(at)gmail.com.

2. I think I should go to Europe to find Lubo, and ask him to do a personal interview for this blog. But finding Lubo will cost money, so I have decided to undertake a fundraiser.

I hope this works out. I am very excited about the possibilities.

Where Does Lubo Come From?

Lubomir Vaic was born 06.03.77 in Spišská Nová Ves, a city in the Košice Region of Slovakia. It is time I learned more about this important city.

Says Mayor Anna Fedorova,

"Spišská Nová Ves has rich history and it is called "The gate to Slovak Paradise". This is what we are proud of in these days, which are full of celebrities and interesting events."

She and her municipal website make no mention of Lubo - which confuses me - but there are still other important things to learn about Spišská Nová Ves. For instance:

1. There is a swimming pool there. Several, in fact.

2. There are important local symbols to recognize.

3. City Council is very attractive. Except that Mária Gažiová. She looks like a Russian spy.

4. They are very proud of their Industrial Park.

5. When you look at the local street index, you realize you will never, ever be able to find the Vaic family home if you've been drinking.

Good for future reference.

Lubomir Vaic: American Idol?

So many people showed up to the Los Angeles auditions for American Idol last week, I almost didn't spot Lubo there!

Rumor has it that he has made it through the early cuts and might be invited to star on the show in January. This could mean dire things for his hockey career, but of course I'm still very excited.


I didn't know Lubo could sing. Is there anything he can't do?

Success! And some confusion.

Lubomir Vaic: A Life in Hockey is scaling new heights of success. I've discovered that this blog is already the most popular Lubomir Vaic blog on the entire internet. Thank you to everyone who has made this such a success.

About Lubo, here's a recent interview. It starts like this...

"Hodně lidí mi říká, že mám blízko k vítězství v produktivitě, ale totéž se dá říct i o Markovi i třetím Beránkovi," říká hráč, který předevčírem oslavil 29. narozeniny. "V minulém kole si ani jeden z nás nepřipsal žádný bod, je to otázka štěstí."

... and just continues to look like something a cat threw up.

No disrespect intended, Czech people, but I need a translator desperately. Someone, please help.

More Friends of Lubo

Says Ceeb the Noob:

"who's up for trading the sedins and signing the new wave of Leif Rohlin, Vadim Sharifijanov, and, Lubomir Vaic??"

Intelligent life found on a North American hockey fan message board? Who would have suspected?


P.S. Breaking News!

Sportsnet.ca is incompetent.

Technical Difficulties

I'm very sorry that this blog disappeared late yesterday until now.

Tip From Vaic Fan:
Never mess with your blog template after two beers. (And especially not after five).

1999-2000: a Tough Year for Lubo

Another one of Vaic Fan's shady underground contacts forwarded this information, commenting...

"You can see that Pavol Demitra only outscored Lubo by 75 points."

... thus proving that sometimes Vaic Fan's shady underground contacts are assholes.

"Where's Lubo?"

Oh, he's there all right. He's packing a rifle.

I really don't understand why he doesn't look more embarassed about this. It's like he joined a gay Calgary rodeo and they all rode to Disneyland to protect the castle...

Poor Lubo.

click image to enlarge


Grafika: © Pavel Soukup

V základní části vytvořili Bílí Tygři ze svého hradu nedobytnou pevnost... V play off ji však již dvakrát dobyli loupeživí Jihočeši. Vzpomínku tak oživují pouze plakáty v Tipsport areně.

Question of the Day

Dear Vaic Fan,
Why was Lubomir Vaic not on the 2006 Slovakian Olympic team?

Sincerely,
Another Vaic Fan

Answer:
I don't know, but I blame the entire Hossa family -- and sometimes Richard Kapuš when I'm feeling especially bitter. Vaic Fan gets sad just thinking about it. Fucking Hossas...

(Here is the roster of the Slovakian team at the 2006 Olympics.)

Lubomir Vaic has Huge Trophy

In news certain to startle even the biggest Lubomir Vaic fan, I've just discovered that our favorite hockey player won the coveted Bóža Modrý Award for 2005-06!

No, I'd never heard of it either, but the award is very prestigious. Lubo was the MVP of the season, as voted on by the other players. It's practically the Lester B. Pearson.

What have I been telling you? Everyone loves Lubo.

Inside Information on Lubo's Future

The Vaic Fan has many shady underground contacts in the European hockey community. One such contact has forwarded some welcome information regarding earlier reports that Lubomir Vaic would sign in Denmark.

After a great deal of research and investigation, The Vaic Insider has come to the following conclusion:

"So, it was unconfirmed...just a rumour I suppose... strange... but Eurohockey doesn't report things unless there is some meat behind it... oh well, I doubt it would happen now."

Things are looking up. Perhaps Lubo will not be sentenced to rust away in the State of Denmark after all.

Five Weird Things

I have been tagged by an internet chain letter to reveal 5 weird things about me. An upsetting turn of events, but I will answer the call because Vaic Fan is a Good Sport about such things.

Also, I'm very weird. It will be good to unburden some of it.

#1. I own a Volvo. This is my secret shame, but there was a brief period in 2002 when it looked like Lubomir Vaic would be playing for Modo. I was very excited. Too excited, as it turned out, as the payments will be continuing for still another year.

#2. I like women. Many people assume that with the Vaic Fan's enormous dedication to Lubomir Vaic that perhaps I have no time for girls. This is not true. I have plenty of time... too much time. (Girls can leave their phone numbers in the comments. I live in North America and can pick you up at 8 pm in most time zones.)

#3. I've never met Lubomir Vaic. How can that be, you ask? I have no explanation. I've tried many, many times. However, Lubomir has so many fans, and his security people are vigilant. Sometimes I think they almost know I'm in the arena before I get there. It's very mysterious.

#4. I am Canadian. Yes, another one of Vaic Fan's secret shames. There is no "cool" in being Canadian so I usually pretend otherwise. Unfortunately, when Vaic Fan travels to various countries, those border guards get very upset when I present fake identification. Being Canadian is "uncool" but forging fake American passports lands your ass in prison. Vaic Fan hates prison.

#5. I am very knowledgeable about music. Vaic Fan isn't all-hockey all the time. I know my music and love to share my passion. The video below is "a melodic fusion combining hot disco rhythms with cold war rhetoric". This song went platinum on the "Rhythm & Polka Charts" in 2003. (Vaic Fan is not joking.)

The genius to be found in Molvania knows no limits...

The Magic of Lubo on Video!

One of Vaic Fan's hundreds of informers has forwarded this exciting video footage of Lubomir Vaic in action.

Study the balance, the control, the puck movement... it's almost like ballet. (Except for the potential violence and the fact you can watch it while drinking beer.)

Vaic Fan Scores!

The Post-Pessimist Association was showing off a genuine signed Lubomir Vaic hockey card the other day and simply refused to negotiate a price and sell me this treasure.

So I stole it.

I've now removed the old name and added mine. The alteration is almost impossible to detect, I think.

Lubomir Vaic Pays the Price...

for incompetance at the Men's Fitness magazine photoshoot.

The magazine was ready to launch this month's issue with millions of copies of the great Lubomir Vaic on the cover. Unfortunately they couldn't fit Lubo into their photography schedule and, as you can see, the body-double they arranged didn't work out so well.



This is the only copy of Lubo's Men's Fitness cover you will ever see. It's not something anyone wants to brag about.